Today brought a puzzling turn of events. My brother, who has had no contact with the family since the death of my other brother back in 1997, reappeared. At least, he phoned my father or, more accurately, left a message for him.
Last I heard from him he was screaming at me long distance, and I had had enough so I hung up. Subsequently, I tried to call him back. I figured I’d give him another chance since I believed he was probably acting from a place of grief. But, after several futile calls over the next month or so, I decided that his anger was his problem, and I was no longer required to assume the role of peacemaker or repairer of fractured relationships, or whatever. I figured he was the one who owed the apology anyway, so I gave up trying to patch things up and left it up to him.
Eventually, we found that he had moved to some tiny town and had no listed phone number. Mail to him from other members of the family was returned unopened.
Every once in a while, I searched the social security death index to check just in case he had died. He never appeared there. But, over the years, I chose to deal with it as if it were another death, mourned that loss, and moved on.
Now and then I did a Google search which usually brought nothing at all or something so old as to be useless, or so minimal that it wasn’t worth following up on. About a month ago, I did find some info which indicated that he was probably still alive, but was still not a particularly responsible person; and then, a week or so later, another item showed up which indicated that he was still beating the skeleton of the dead horse he was beating 20 years ago. Same ol’, same ol’, I figured.
Fast forward to this afternoon when I received a call from my Dad telling me that the most unexpected, unlikely thing had happened. My brother had phoned sending out feelers about reestablishing a relationship. My Dad seems somewhat hopeful.
If he should call me, I don’t really know what I will do. It feels a little like bringing someone back from the dead. I feel wary.