One thing about writing a journal is that when I go back to look at the old archives, I have to face reality and it’s not always pretty. It appears that I do not learn from my past mistakes and that things are unlikely to change. I’m not sure I like knowing this.
Tonight I was scanning through some entries I made on comparable dates from year to year. It’s depressing to see that we always wait until about this exact moment to seriously address what needs to be done for the holiday. It seems we never shop until around the 19th or 20th. When we do shop I always have the same complaint; that is, that I am the only one who gets at all engaged in the gift buying, and C. is always grumpy and grouchy throughout the whole process.
We both work, far too much, really. So there is never much space left open for doing things unrelated to our work. And, it’s clear that we are pretty bad at advance planning.
I enjoy the idea of shopping for presents because I want to buy gifts for the family. But I can’t enjoy it when the person I am with is so obviously hating every minute of it.
I don’t feel that I should be the only person responsible for the gift buying. I don’t think that automatically falls into my job description just because I am female. Gifts are from both of us, why not have equal participation?
Yes, I could do it myself, but I have a very real issue with my knee which sometimes makes driving a problem. It hurts my knee, and I always worry that it is going to lock up when I am driving, especially when I have to drive in the snow when good braking reflexes are important. And walking in the ice and snow is not all that easy either.
Even if I did do it myself, I know I would just start to feel annoyed and angry. And I wonder if I did it all myself, would there be any other part of the holiday planning for which he would then take the entire responsibility? I doubt it.
I despair of ever finding a solution to this problem.