I popped the new URL into my browser. I was hooked again!
It was billed as a feminist site, a place where women could meet
and support each other. For almost two years, participating there
was interesting and enjoyable. The interaction was good. Giving
and receiving support was helpful. There was a general sense of
camaraderie and belonging. There was also the occasional opportunity
for vigorous political, moral or religious debate with intelligent
people, which I enjoyed. There was a lot of potential for community.
There was a lot that was good about it.
For a while, at least...
But nothing lasts forever, and slowly, many of the more interesting
people started to leave. Over time, more and more people whose ideas
and interests were very different from mine dropped by and set up
their tents.
Then a private conflict with someone arose. I felt betrayed by another
person. The same person who created the initial conflict took on
an additional screen persona, and new issues of duplicity and trust
arose. The behavior, the posturing, and the interaction around these
issues caused me to reevaluate my judgment about some people online.
I started to question my continued participation at that web site.
This medium lends an importance to online friendships which is a
little out of proportion to reality. Being in constant communication
fosters a false sense of intimacy and intensity because people share
more quickly and sometimes more openly. We think we know them better
than we actually do. It's easy to misinterpret things, and sometimes
we expect a lot more of a person or from a relationship than is
actually there.
During the five or six years I'd been on line, I had encountered
a lot of weird people, some of whom I had to "handle" in my "job"
on AOL. I really thought I was smart enough to know the difference
between the sane and the not sane; and I thought I knew how to avoid
the loonies. Now I will always wonder if I am or ever was talking
to normal people online.
~~~~~~~
The more conservative, more religious population continued
to increase at the site, and the feminist, liberal population continued
to decrease. It became tougher and tougher for me to maintain a
sense of belonging or acceptance, let alone to maintain my composure
as I found myself drowning in a deepening sea of boring discussions,
cyber hugs and religious platitudes. There were some very narrow
right wing attitudes expressed about other issues, as well. If I
came across many of these types of people in real life, I probably
wouldn't be hanging around, and socializing with them. I'd be making
for the exits.
So, maybe I should have left right then, but no....not me.
I view right wing conservatives and zealots who attempt to make
their own religious views part of public policy as a threat to my
way of life. I don't see why their propaganda should always go unchallenged
just to "keep the peace." My opinions also count for something.
Why shouldn't others be exposed to them? When challenged, the right
is quick to shout intolerance, but they are really the intolerant
ones. Liberals often tend to worry too much about being liberal
and being fair, and not enough about defending themselves and their
viewpoints. Conservatives play on this, and use it to manipulate
us.
But I don't keep my opinions to myself very well. I admit I have
a big mouth, and I got into some heated discussions with some of
those folks over evolution vs. creationism, and some other things,
and did not let blanket assertions with no basis in fact go unchallenged.
I confess it got to the point where I found myself sometimes arguing
just for the sake of arguing, because I got so annoyed. I have no
doubt that I alienated a whole host of folks.
Sysops of the site did not express opinions because "as hosts they
did not want to alienate anyone." Hey, it's their site and their
right! But, I lost a lot of respect for them for not speaking up
and particularly for one of them for not taking any stand on certain
issues, preferring to aim to please and appease everyone. If you
can't stand up for what you believe in on your own web site, what's
the point? Attempts to avoid any sort of controversy only led to
more of the bland and insipid. Entropy set in and the site found
its lowest level.
Some people find such a "Group Bleat"í comforting and non-threatening,
but I found it *b-o-r-i-n-g.* Even the controversies became boring.
I suppose I'm just a curmudgeon, and that my tolerance is low. Or,
I'm an intellectual snob. Or, I outgrew it. I became embarrassed
to mention the site to friends anymore. I'm not even going to link
to it here.
From my long experience online, I do know there is a strong need
for women to converse with each other, a good community, someplace
safe to connect. So, I guess the site still serves that purpose
to some degree, no matter who populates it. If it's not a place
for me at this time, it is working for the people who are there.
Maybe that's all one can expect and maybe it's enough for them.
To be fair, I suppose there may be a natural ebb and flow to sites
like that, and a variety of people with wider interests may come
and go over time. I suppose it could turn around again soon and
become become more vital, varied and interesting to someone like
me. The potential was there. I did connect with a few really great
women in that forum and I am grateful for their friendship. There
are still a handful of interesting women left who participate on
and off. For the sake of the site, I hope it's just going through
a phase.
Either old habits die hard, or else I'm a glutton for punishment,
so I continued to read for a while, and I even posted there occasionally,
when I just could not control my fingers. But, I had to face the
truth, and accept that it's nota place for me. I regretedt the loss,
andI had to grieve that loss, strange as it sounds.
So I moved away from that site, looking for something different,
discovered the online journaling community through a link at Salon
magazine, and after reading online journals for a while, I made
my own.